Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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