so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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