i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
