Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
