dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize