I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Randomize
