What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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