You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
