oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
