wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
