im six kinds of drunk right now
He is an equal opportunity slut.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize