if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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