you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
