I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
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