Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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