I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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