I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
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