i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
