Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I have post one night stand depression
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
