so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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