ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
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