I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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