the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
