watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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