You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
