Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
