i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I think i got beer on your cat.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
