You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Randomize
