Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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