I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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