I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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