You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Barsexuality is the new black.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
