and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
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