And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize