I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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