I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
