why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
