She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
