chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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