textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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