I accidentally had phone sex last night
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
