I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
