On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
