Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
