Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
