He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
