Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
