guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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