If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
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