I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
