woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
