The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
