I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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