I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
