Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
