oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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