I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
