I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
