It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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