Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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