My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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