My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
