hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
