Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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