It was confusing and full of hummus
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
