I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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