You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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