Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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