I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
