i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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