well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
