If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
