I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
