She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
