Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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