why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
