Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
