Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
