I'm going to rape someone's good day.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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