i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
