and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
