Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
