Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
